Monday, February 18, 2008

Dice man

Surrounded on all sides by the henchmen of the Assorted Soul Seeking Weirdos In Predominantly Evil Shingalings. It appeared as if my Epic Quest to save all gaming kind would be thwarted by a dangerous mercenary force hell bent on my destruction at any cost.

"Attack him" Screamed their Leader With furious Fury
"Where...............are the Donuts Ment-i-Sent You promised us Donuts" Screamed one of them
"The Lukkha stole the Donuts ScaryJam" said Ment-i-Sent
"May the Dice Grind his bones to dust" screamed ScaryJam
They Charged
"THUMBELINA!" roared the big Daddy as he Leaped into the fray

Within moments they lay on the ground writhing in poignant but not stirring pain
Only one was left Standing Their Leader Ment-i-Sent and his eyes gazed at me trying to bore holes through the fat parts they were positively boring...ish.

"Lukkha Prepare to be fragged" said Ment-i-Sent and followed up promptly By Conjuring from the air two stave's which had Dice Stuck to their ends one with White dice and the other with Black. He made them spin until they were nothing but a blur and then sent them at me hurtling at me Full speed.
With Nowhere to go that made this any more fun I stood there and stuck my hands out

and caught them
both of them
'Ha! take that stereotypical action hero ' I thought to myself
The Stave's were now trying to return to their owner.
"Oh no you Don't I am NOT letting my free ticket to Bad assedness getting away so damn easily" I exclaimed
and they broke into clean halves half went to him and half went to moi.
"Stil badass though" I said
Ment-i-Sent shrieked like a banshee and then conjured a portal and disappeared through it
"After Him B.D Quickly" I said
"Not so Fast my newly made rotund friend, Know that beyond this portal lies the Land that was once almost named Albion The land that has a leaf on its flag Know that after you enter you will have to stay for a year at least and Know that many dangerous and mind boggling games will be played and you will have much to undertake. What say you O most glorious fat assedness?"

"See you on the other side B.D"
And In i Jump.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Bioshocked !

I recently sat through a REALLY REALLY bad tamil movie about this dude and his wife who ALWAYS needs company. I kid u not she actually marries the guy because his family is humungous(like 50 people) and later takes too many sleeping pills when the guy gets himself transferred to a hill station because she can't stand the loneliness AAAARGHHHHHHHHH THE PAIN. What does this have to do with Bioshock I just felt this extreme urge to go poop somewhere after watching this movie I felt as if all the shit in the movie had some how secretly found a way to teleport itself into my body I could hear the words "would you kindly go to the toilet now" reverberating in the air. as I ran desparately toward the bathroom I noticed as soon as I entered that water was all over the place behind me I heard a deep rumbling turning around to find...........

The Big Daddy Stared intently at me for a while Then in a rumbling voice deeper than the deepest of abbysses it said to me "Come with me if you want to live".

"Hey" said the little sister at his side

"I mean.... Come with us if you want to live" he boomed

"But I have to go" I groaned "can this wait?"

"Okay ..... I mean NO do it while we walk we have to embark on a dangerous and potentially world altering journey foolish boy " he boomed

"With soiled Pants ?" I inquired ?

"True..... One can never really be taken seriously if one soils ones own pants can one " he said affably "all right take your time while you ahem......proceed I can fill you in on the details. What is it little one?"

"But I've never seen you go to the toilet" said the little Sister

"There are many things in this world you have not seen little one" chuckled the Big daddy.

"but that means you soil yourself all the time" she said


A photo of something ghastly looking slid under the door of the cubicle I was in.

"That" said The Big Daddy "is the leader of the Assorted Soul Seeking Wierdos In Predominantly Evil Skins and he threatens the future of all gaming kind and you are the only one who can stop him" he said.

"B....but I'm a fatass" I stuttered

"I know" sighed the big daddy "I know but we needed a real lukkha"

I glowed with pride as I sat on the commode.

"we must journey into worlds hitherto unknown Worlds of War Worlds..... of Craft " said the little sister in a sing-song voice

"Ah well i'm up for it lets go" I said exiting the cubicle and washing my hands thoroughly.

"don't Forget to flush " said a new Voice

Some thing had appeared out of thin air and was eyeing us with violently gleeful eyes. "Lukkha" said a voice from under a gray cloak "join us or be fragged into oblivion"

I looked up grimly

"bring it on"

Holy Cliffhanger Endings Batman!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Full Fandango Throttle of Monkey Island

For the Last Decade or so Commercial Success has managed to elude Adventure games with the nimbleness and agility rarely demonstrated by even the most garishly flexible Sea monkey burglars. This has not stopped the Developers of this genre from Consistently producing games that have pushed the envelope consistently in terms of quality. I recently replayed three of my favorite adventure games all of which released in this era (all produced by Lucasarts who have sadly stopped doing adventure games recently and 2 0f em come very happily from the mind of Tim Schafer who has not ). So here Goes

Full Throttle is a full on Biker Noir n Thriller Comedy Adventure With a hero who sounds Really really cool and a villain that sounds nothing Like Luke Skywalker. Yup Mark Hammil is the voice of the main antagonist of this game and boy is he awesome! replete in its splendour as you solve puzzles that are pretty insanely funny(and tough) and simaltaneously listening to the killer lines that this is a game EVERYONE should play.

The Curse Of Monkey Island is the 3rd game in the Monkey Island series and it has every imaginable thing that fans(like me) of this series could ever hope for Including Monkeys. Guybrush Threepwood is back in another Buckle of your Swash Seat Adventure in all its Buccaneering Goodness and This time He and LeChuck Square off once and for all. Pirates of The Caribbean Stole a considerable amount of its setting from this series and Lets not forget the undead Sea Monkeys either! Total Awesomeness Aaahhhrrrrr ! (you know the way Geoffrey Rush Says Aaahhhrrr Matey)

Grim Fandango : A wild Romp Through the Aztec version of the Afterlife Set in modern day and teeming with Demons and Grim Reapers that have Foldable Scythes This is More a Legend than a game. Wildly difficult puzzles and imaginative Characterization puts this game into hall of fame territory.Critics say that this game is more of an interactive video than a game and then go on to say how much they enjoy the interaction part . Basically everybody loves it.

Well Thats all folks . Next up are Bioshock and a Suprise entrant